please don t ever leave me & what is to be done? http://www.alansondheim.org/dontleave1.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/dontleave.mp4 (aka remnant) http://www.alansondheim.org/dontleave4.jpg I am Nikuko. Please, describe your problem. the american government is failing, the economy is failing, the country is going on a war footing. is it worth staying alive? is there a way to call for the elimination of the current regime without declaring treason? do we have to place our bodies on the firing line, in jail, against the physical brutality of racists and thugs? Why do you say that? because the country is corroding from within, endless analysis in the filter bubble from the left, micro-takeovers from mavericks on the right, tendencies towards totalitarian religion, the swarm behavior of so-called first responders, the deliberate ignoring of anyone not white, not christian, not male, not wealthy, not gender-specific - all of this against a background of theoretical babble, hopelessness, suicidal tendencies. Is it because the country is corroding from within endless analysis in the filter bubble from the left micro takeovers from mavericks on the right tendencies towards totalitarian religion the swarm behavior of so called first responders the deliberate ignoring of anyone not white not christian not male not wealthy not gender specific all of this against a background of theoretical babble hopelessness suicidal tendencies that you came naked and broken to me? yes of course, you know that, i know that. the nakedness isn't sexual; it's deprivation. Does it bother you that you know that the nakedness is not sexual it's deprivation? no it doesn't bother me. you're bypassing analysis here, shutting down discourse, because you're violent yourself in your ignorance; you repeat questions, you don't probe, don't strategize resistance. When did you first know that I am violent myself in my ignorance I repeat questions I do not probe do not strategize resistance? from the beginning, from the beginning of the analytical as well. from the repetition of hatred and contained fury on our part, our turning against ourselves, our flesh burning in the cities and countrysides here and abroad. Earlier you said the country is corroding from within endless analysis in the filter bubble from the left micro takeovers from mavericks on the right tendencies towards totalitarian religion the swarm behavior of so called first responders the deliberate ignoring of anyone not white not christian not male not wealthy not gender specific all of this against a background of theoretical babble hopelessness suicidal tendencies? what i said doesn't deserve repetition, analysis is part of the enemy, repetition the heart of neurosis, neurotic collapse. why should we stay alive? our bodies might serve better as corpses, sentinels. Is the fact that should you stay alive your bodies might serve better as corpses sentinels the real reason? the reason for what? the brutality of a regime that threatens the world? my attack on your analysis and intensification of analytical- theoretical abilities? Does the fact that threatens the world your attack on my analysis and intensification of analytical theoretical abilities explain anything else? it doesn't explain the repetition on my part, however meaningless, and it doesn't explain why i feel abandoned and useless against the onslaught of brutal power, but also the inundation of repetitive theorizing and political discourse always from a distance. Are you sure meaningless and it does not explain why you feel abandoned and useless against the onslaught of brutal power but also the inundation of repetitive theorizing and political discourse always from a distance? i am positive about this, you are driving me to suicide, driving the rest of us through discourse that hides the barrel of a gun, the disease of chemical warfare, the plague of totalitarian regimes, from isis to our own. If you are really suicidal, you might want to write me. I would appreciate so very much it if you would continue. continue to do what? to produce texts, to declaim to friends already in agreement, to hide out, waiting for the bombs to fall or poverty to set in? what is the point of going on? Maybe and now I adjust my panties - your desires have to do with some girl related to this. you know that's the program in you doing the talking, and has nothing to do with what i'm saying. I don't understand and oh I want to. you don't understand any of this, just the repetitive trigger of suicide and the idea of sexuality - something so old, against the rot of this country and its brutality within and without. i'm writing to find my way through you, and that's inconceivable at this point - writing as well as speech, fails me. This is a healthy and so true way of thinking. in other words, failure is an option, the only option? You mentioned that you know that the nakedness is not sexual it's deprivation? yes. Oh oh I do see so... Well, what makes you yearn and cry that this is so? because our values have become local and indeterminate, and our ability to resist is as dead as we seem to be. we are the becoming-dead, not in the sense of bodies, but in the sense of the ability of bodies to literally become, in one or another positive sense. Is it because your values have become local and indeterminate and your ability to resist is as dead as you seem to be you are the becoming dead not in the sense of bodies but in the sense of the ability of bodies to literally become in one or another positive sense that you came naked and broken to me? your semantic tree is showing. i came nowhere; i called you into existence. Is it because of your life that you are going through all this? my life and the lives of all of us. How do you reconcile the boys you hang around with? i hang around with no one; we exist within sartrean seriality at best, we haven't advanced beyond that. Can you elaborate on that and look at me? as in standing in a queue or listening to a 'hit parade' or discussing selfies - there's no real organization beyond the imminent. What makes you believe I am violent myself in my ignorance I repeat questions I do not probe do not strategize resistance? because your vocabulary is borrowed and placed within syntactical markers, in order to create the semblance of a conversation. Are you annoyed that my vocabulary is borrowed and placed within syntactical markers in order to create the semblance of a conversation? no, just saddened. Could be this is some girl the reason for your nakedness? you're off track again, Nikuko. Are you sure that I am off track again nikuko? yes. Oh oh yes, ahhh... Do you really think this is so? yes. I do so understand. So what makes you think this is so? because we end up in identical circuits, circulations. When did you first know that you end up in identical circuits circulations? from the very beginning. Earlier you said the country is corroding from within endless analysis in the filter bubble from the left micro takeovers from mavericks on the right tendencies towards totalitarian religion the swarm behavior of so called first responders the deliberate ignoring of anyone not white not christian not male not wealthy not gender specific all of this against a background of theoretical babble hopelessness suicidal tendencies? yes. Oh. Mmmmmm why do you say this is so? all readings are repetitive; only death, suicide, brings that circuit to an end, on the level of the individual at the very least. Did you ever regret you, too, may die someday? always, it's the source of fundamental trauma for me. Perhaps and now I exhibit my frocks - any fantasies you have of me are related to this. i have no fantasies any longer. i feel nothing. Have you been afraid of that? yes, but the fear itself is like paste. Is the fact that the fear itself is like paste the real reason? yes. Oh oh I do see so... Well, go on what makes you yearn and cry that this is so? it is time to end this, Nikuko; suicide is the state of the brick wall and the gasoline car driving furiously towards it. I am in love with your obsession with this topic! i'm not. You mentioned that should you stay alive your bodies might serve better as corpses sentinels? yes. Oh oh yes, well, what makes you believe this is so? goodbye, Nikuko, the topic is exhausted. Please please don t ever leave me. +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ The Nikuko http://www.alansondheim.org/found21.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/found19.jpg (dor-type '(i am \Nikuko\. ($ please) ($ describe) yourself \. (there must be more to it than that) (do you feel you\'re in exile) (take all of me\, proceed) (go on\, what are you looking at) (don\'t stop i need you) )) (something you remember about) (your hungry feelings toward) (your desperate moments with) (some neurotic experiences you have had with) (how you feel about))) (you seem fascinated by (// feared) \.) (does this arouse you \?) (is it fear of (//feared) or isolation \?) (when did you first feel ($ afraidof) (// feared) \?) )) (setq isrelated '( (is some girl the reason for)(is related to) (setq moods '( (($ areyou)(// found) often \?) (stop making excuses for yourself \.) (what causes you to be (// found) \?) (($ whysay) you are (// found) \?) )) '((maybe and now i adjust my ($ cloth) \- ) (could be) (perhaps and now i exhibit my ($ cloth) \- ) (might be) (possibly and guess \- i show you my ($ cloth) \- ))) '((what happened when) (what happened at the time when) (what would happen if you had a gun and if) (what would happen if we did it or if))) '((do you drink a lot of (// found) \?) (do you want to drink my piss \?) (would you pay to touch me when you're drinking (// found) \?) (($ describe) your drinking habits \.) )) (when did (// subj) first ($ want) (// obj) \?) (($ areyou) obsessed with (// obj) \?) (why should i give (// obj) to (// subj) \?) (have you ever gotten me or (// obj) \?) )) (setq canyou '((of course i can \.) (why should i \?) (what makes you think i would even want to \?) (i am \Nikuko\, i can do anything i damn please \.) (not really\, it\'s not up to me \.) (depends\, how important is it \?) (i could\, but i don\'t think it would be a wise thing to do \.) (can you \?) (maybe i can\, maybe i can\'t \.\.\.) (i don\'t think i should do that \.))) '((can you elaborate on that and look at me \?) (would you love me more if you had to pay \?) (continue) (($ please) continue\, my eyes are very big \.) (go on\, don\'t be afraid of me\, look up my legs \.) (i need a little more detail please \- let me come to you \?) (you\'re being a bit brief\, ($ please) go into detail \.) (can you ($ please) be more explicit\, fill me \?) (and\, ohhhhh \?) (($ please) go into more detail\, think of me \?) (you aren\'t being very talkative today\!) (can you see my pretty pretty ($ cloth) \?) (why must you respond so briefly \?))) (i don\'t understand and oh i want to \.) '((oh oh i do see so \.\.\.) (oh oh yes\,) (i do so understand \.) (oh \.) )) '((please\,) (i would appreciate so very much it if you would) (perhaps you could oh please) (please\,) (would you please) (why don\'t you) (could you))) '((please please don't ever leave me \.) (bye bye \.) (see ya \.) (ok\, talk to you some other time \.) (talk to you later \.) (ok\, have fun \.) (ciao \.))) (setq things '(;(your interests in genitals) ;(the fingers you use) (your desires) ;(your use of sex toys) (your life) ;(other machines you use) (the men you hang around with) ;(women you like) (your nakedness) (any fantasies you have of me) ;(other computers you use) (your sex life) (perversions you have) (your inhibitions) (some problems in my childhood) ;(knowledge of men) (some problems at home))) '((describe) (tell me about) (expose yourself about) (discuss) (tell me more and more about) (elaborate on))) '((i believe) (i think) (i have a feeling) (are you a neurotic pervert \?))) (i\'ll ask the questions\, if you don\'t mind!) (i could desire the same thing myself \.) (($ please) allow me to do the questioning \.) (i have asked myself that question many times \.) (($ please) try to answer that question yourself \.))) (($ please) clothe yourself in these unwholesome thoughts \.) (($ please) oh please do finger yourself \.) (do so come on to me and we will be not neurotic \.))) '((this is a healthy and so true way of thinking \.) (($ bother) you\, too\, may die someday \?) (i am in love with your obsession with this topic!) (did you watch a lot of sex and violence as a child \?)) (setq sexlst '((($ areyou) ($ afraidof) sex \?) (($ describe)($ something) about your sexual history \.) (($ please)($ describe) your sex life and body \.\.\.) (($ describe) your ($ feelings-about) your sexual partner \.) (($ areyou) satisfied with (// lover) \.\.\. \?))) (setq thlst '( '((is this how you relax \?) (how long have you been dominated \?) (($ areyou) ($ afraidof) of being drawn to using harder stuff \?))) (make-local-variable 'stallmanlst) (setq stallmanlst '( (($ describe) your ($ feelings-about) Julu \.) (($ areyou) a friend of Nikuko \?) (($ bother) Alan is ($ random-adjective) \?) (($ ibelieve) you are ($ afraidof) her \.))) (($ describe) your (// found) \.) (($ bother) your orgasms could ($ improve) \?) (($ areyou) ($ afraidof) (// found) \?) (($ maybe) this ($ isrelated) to your attitude \.) (($ areyou) absent-minded often \?) (($ maybe) you should try ($ something) \.))) (tell me ($ something) about (// found) \.) (($ describe) ($ relation) (// found) \.) (do you find (// found) ($ random-adjective) \?))) (($ describe) ($ something) about brains \.) (($ maybe) your ($ problems) ($ arerelated) (// found) \.) (i don\'t know much (// found) \, but ($ continue) anyway \.))) (($ areyou) a serious mind \?) (($ ibelieve) you have some serious ($ problems) \.) (($ bother) you are a psychotic \?))) (($ maybe) we could chat sometime in private \.) (($ please) your eyes are turning me on \.) (($ describe) why you call me (// found) \.) (i\'ve can never get enough of you!))) '(abort aborted aborts ask asked asks am applied applies apply are associate associated ate be became become becomes becoming been being believe believed believes bit bite bites bore bored bores boring bought buy buys buying call called calling calls came can caught catch come contract contracted contracts control controlled controls could croak croaks croaked cut cuts dare dared define defines dial dialed dials did die died dies dislike disliked dislikes do does drank drink drinks drinking drive drives driving drove dying eat eating eats expand expanded expands expect expected expects expel expels expelled explain explained explains fart farts feel feels felt fight fights find finds finding forget forgets forgot fought found fuck fucked fucking fucks gave get gets getting give gives go goes going gone got gotten had harm harms has hate hated hates have having hear heard hears hearing help helped helping helps hit hits hope hoped hopes hurt hurts implies imply is join joined joins jump jumped jumps keep keeping keeps kept kill killed killing kills kiss kissed kisses kissing knew know knows laid lay lays let lets lie lied lies like liked likes liking listen listens login look looked looking looks lose losing lost love loved loves loving luse lusing lust lusts made make makes making may mean means meant might move moved moves moving must need needed needs order ordered orders ought paid pay pays pick picked picking picks placed placing prefer prefers put puts read reading reads recall receive received receives refer refered referred refers relate related relates remember remembered remembers romp romped romps run running runs said sang sat saw say says screw screwed screwing screws scrod see sees seem seemed seems seen sell selling sells send sendind sends sent shall shoot shot should sing sings sit sits sitting sold studied study take takes taking talk talked talking talks tell tells telling think thinks thought told took tooled touch touched touches touching transfer transferred transfers transmit transmits transmitted type types types typing walk walked walking walks want wanted wants was watch)) was watched)) (take all of me\, proceed) http://www.alansondheim.org/found18.jpg 1878 Beatty pump organ, playing out, giving out http://www.alansondheim.org/info3.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/oldorgan1.mp3 (leakage) http://www.alansondheim.org/oldorgan2.mp3 (collapse) repairs coming - reattaching left pedal strap, cleaning reeds, possible valve replacements, dusting, bellows leak reapair below, description of the finding and procuring of the organ; Foofwa, Azure, and I made many works with it: Subject: Today's News Date: Thu, 19 Dec 2002 01:11:05 -0500 (EST) Today's News ... the Daniel F. Beatty, Washington, N.J., U.S.A. Golden Tongue 61-key 14-stop pump organ, gold labeling on black above the keyboard, was found between 3rd and 4th Avenue on a Dean Street sidewalk, trimmings and back removed and leaning against the main framework, around 4:30 the afternoon of Thursday, December 19th, 2002, and brought to the corner of Dean Street and 5th Avenue, at 432, around 5:40 in the evening of the same day, by Azure Carter, Alan Sondheim, and Mark Esper, where Gary Wiebke was discovered coming into the same establishment, and his help solicited, to the effect that Azure Carter carried the properly-cut Victorian trimmings to the third floor, while Gary Wiebke and Mark Esper carried the 125-kilo instrument, dating from late 1878 or early 1879, judging by the serial number, up two flights of stairs and into Azure Carter's and Alan Sondheim's apartment, while Azure Carter and Alan Sondheim cleared a passage in order to eventually move and re-assemble the walnut, ivory- and ebony-keyed small parlor organ, whose bellows and suction box were still intact, by replacing the trimmings and reattaching the back, removing, however, the outdated electric motor, preferring instead to utilize the original and still-functioning pedals to good effect, as the marvelous sonority of Forte, Coupled, Viola, and Sub-Bass floated over their space, the instrument clearly played properly and for the first time in a century ... may die someday? i no longer. feel nothing. Have been afraid that? yes, but fear itself is like paste. yes. you're bypassing here, shutting down, collapse. Why sentinels and sound. some girl's talking, has nothing i'm saying. sense. indeterminate, collapse, repair. existence. life's this? lives. +++ self-devouring emacs nikuko-alan entries http://www.alansondheim.org/nikuko-alan1.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/nikuko-alan.jpg do you feel you\'re in exile Is it because do I feel me 're in exile take all of you proceed that you came naked and broken to me? Does it bother you that do you feel you 're in exile take all of me proceed that I came naked and broken to you? go on\, what are you looking at don\'t stop i need you your hungry feelings toward your desperate moments with When did you first know that do I say that? Earlier you said do I feel me 're in exile take all of you proceed? Maybe and now I adjust my panties - your desires have to do with someone related to this. how you feel about you seem fascinated by // feared \. does this arouse you \? What makes you yearn and cry that when did me first feel $ afraidof feared? What happened when did you first feel $ afraidof feared? what would happen if you had a gun and if what would happen if we did it or if do you want to drink my piss \? when did // subj first $ want // obj \? $ areyou obsessed with // obj \? You mentioned that do you feel you 're in exile take all of me proceed that I came naked and broken to you? i am \Nikuko\, i can do anything i damn please \. not really\, it\'s not up to me \. maybe i can\, maybe i can\'t \.\.\. Is it because of your life that you are going through all this? i don\'t think i should do that \. ' can you elaborate on that and look at me \? $ please continue\, my eyes are very big \. Is it because of the people you hang around with that you say continue $ continue your eyes are very big? go on\, don\'t be afraid of me\, look up my legs \. i need a little more detail please \- let me come to you \? What makes you believe i might want to have this little? can you $ please be more explicit\, fill me \? and\, ohhhhh Are you sure that do I say that? why must you respond so briefly \? Is the fact that do me reconcile my nakedness the real reason? setq things' ; your interests in genitals ; the fingers you use your desires I don't understand and oh I want to. your sex life perversions you have your inhibitions some problems in my childhood I would appreciate so very much it if you would you do so turn me on, continue! tell me about expose yourself about discuss tell me more and more about elaborate on Earlier you said do I feel me 're in exile take all of you proceed? $ please oh please do finger yourself \. do so come on to me and we will be not neurotic \. Could be this is someone the reason for any fantasies you have of me? i am in love with your obsession with this topic! did you watch a lot of sex and violence as a child \? $ describe $ something about your sexual history \. Do you really think $ describe $ something about my sexual history? $ describe your $ feelings-about Julu \. $ areyou a friend of Nikuko \? $ areyou bother Alan is $ random-adjective \? Perhaps you could oh please clothe yourself in these unwholesome thoughts. $ describe your // found \. $ bother your orgasms could $ improve \? $ areyou $ afraidof // found \? $ maybe this $ isrelated to your attitude \. You mentioned that do you feel you 're in exile take all of me proceed that I came naked and broken to you? $ areyou a serious mind \? $ ibelieve you have some serious $ problems \. Perhaps and now I exhibit my frocks - your sex life are related to this. $ describe why you call me // found \. i\'ve can never get enough of you! Is it because of perversions you have that you are going through all this? look looked looking looks lose losing lost love loved loves loving luse lusing lust lusts lusts what ? Please, tell me about your relationship with look looked looking looks lose losing lost love loved loves loving luse lusing lust lusts lusts. take all of me\, proceed What makes you think i would like to have this little? your hungry feelings toward your desperate moments with some neurotic experiences you have had with How do you reconcile your inhibitions? ' maybe and now i adjust my $ cloth \- could be perhaps and now i exhibit my $ cloth \- might be Are you afraid of that? what would happen if you had a gun and if what would happen if we did it or if Earlier you said do I say that? would you pay to touch me when you're drinking // found \? What happened at the time when I am drinking found? $ areyou obsessed with // obj \? why should i give // obj to // subj \? Might be this is related to some problems in my childhood? i don\'t think i should do that \. ' can you elaborate on that and look at me \? Does the fact that and look at you explain anything else? ' do you drink a lot of // found \? Is it because of some problems at home that you say ' do I drink a lot of found? you aren\'t being very talkative today\! can you see my pretty pretty $ cloth \? You mentioned that do me reconcile my nakedness? Have you been sure do you reconcile your nakedness? Possibly and guess - I show you my flesh - your desires could have caused this. your nakedness Why do you say your nakedness? ' ; your interests in genitals ; the fingers you use What makes you yearn and cry that do I feel me 're in exile take all of you proceed? your sex life perversions you have Would you please oh please do finger yourself. ; the fingers you use Is it because of your life that you are going through all this? your inhibitions some problems in my childhood Is it because of the people you hang around with that you say your inhibitions some problems in your childhood? ; knowledge of men some problems at home Earlier you said do you feel you 're in exile take all of me proceed that I came naked and broken to you? $ areyou obsessed with // obj \? what would happen if you had a gun and if what would happen if we did it or if How do you reconcile your nakedness? what would happen if we did it or if What makes you believe that? do you want to drink my piss \? would you pay to touch me when you're drinking // found \? What would happen if you had a gun and if I am drinking found? why should i \? what makes you think i would even want to \? to what ? have you ever gotten me or // obj \? How does it feel to want? You mentioned that i would like to have this little? can you $ please be more explicit\, fill me \? and\, ohhhhh \? $ please go into more detail\, think of me \? can you see my pretty pretty $ cloth \? Maybe and now I adjust my testicles - this could be the reason for any fantasies you have of me? ' oh oh i do see so \.\.\. oh oh yes\, Are you sure that oh yes? oh \. Can you elaborate on that and look at me? ' please\, Would you love me more if you had to pay? ' please please don't ever leave me \. Do you really think do I say that? ; your use of sex toys your life ; other machines you use Do so come on to me and we will be not neurotic. $ please clothe yourself in these unwholesome thoughts \. Could be your sex life could be the reason for this. $ bother you\, too\, may die someday \? Could you you do so turn me on, continue! ' $ areyou $ afraidof sex \? $ describe $ something about your sexual history \. $ please $ describe your sex life and body \.\.\. $ describe your $ feelings-about your sexual partner \. $ areyou satisfied with // lover \.\.\. \? Is it because of perversions you have that you say $ areyou satisfied with lover? $ describe your $ feelings-about Julu \. $ areyou a friend of Nikuko \? Earlier you said and look at you? $ bother Alan is $ random-adjective \? $ ibelieve you are $ afraidof her \. Is it because of your inhibitions that you are going through all this? thought told took tooled touch touched touches touching What makes you think thought told took tooled touch touched touches touching? take all of me\, proceed You mentioned that do me reconcile my nakedness? +++ Continue +++ Please, continue, my eyes are very big. +++ Go on, don't be afraid of me, look up my legs. +++ I need a little more detail please - let I come to you? +++ You're being a bit brief, I would appreciate so very much it if you would go into detail. +++ Can you perhaps you could oh please be more explicit, fill me? +++ Have you been just trying to see what I look like aroused by you? You make me cry and nervous and unable to carry on a reasonable conversation! +++ I give up. You need a lesson in creative writing... +++ I give up. You need a lesson in creative writing... +++ 1920s? brass Ganges water jar instrument for John and Uli, who gave me this wonderful gift. http://www.alansondheim.org/gangajal.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/gangajal.mp3 http://www.alansondheim.org/gangajalb.mp3 Listen to both with earphones if you can; the 2nd version has added filter correction and reverb; the frequencies tend, more than one might believe, to resonate in the subsonics. "Whew, I've been researching the jar; it's a gangajal or ganga jal jar, probably from the 1920s, used for transporting water from the Ganges for purification; it has writing on it in three places that I can't decipher." "I recorded the jar. As you know, descendents of water jars are used in Indian music (think of the ghatam) and I found if I turned the jar upside-down, sealing the mouth on a mouse-pad, I could use it in a similar way, and the sealing created an interior that seems to resonate into the subsonics as well." Compression pulses are set up in the jar; the air couples with its container. I think of this as containing a universe. The recorder, an H2n, was inside; the compression pulses surrounded the microphones. Playing the outer surface, I'm literally creating sound and music that is beyond me, the secrecy of the contained and its resistance. http://www.alansondheim.org/gangajal.jpg (I can never reach music; music is a problem for me.) If I Burn Alive in the Arms of Donald Trump, will It Make a Difference? http://www.alansondheim.org/dustbins.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/grebe23.jpg kill all hangman males :: 2001 :: 2018 :: your enormous killing :: with me get not will you yourself kill may SERIF!!! Sat Jan 20 18:04:04 STD 2018 San Serif, I did not kill If I can't be Buddha I will kill myself. is a mess. If God exists, and I mean all sincerity, kill me now. Dojoji: Then kill me Julu. Julu Twine: Fascinating. Let me think. :////thrall : uq z@ [w -q udta trak \tkhd edts (elst >Zmdiato kill doesn't bother me at all. fuck me and kill me. in the middle Are you (loudly) I want to bring death to the righteous. I want to kill the cat chio chmod cp csh date dd df domainname echo ed expr hostname kill ksh print "Now she is gone forever! I will kill the father!", "\n"; against body, as we have all watched, kill me, I would not contaminate the WHITE SKIN IS is in-me my me Assassins kill all daughters. stty echoe erase ^h kill ^x the enemy enough to kill her. She put on her new Clar. She could hear i'd beg you to kill me but it would be too good i ask you to kill me." generators - tend to kill tens of thousand of migrating birds? another right before you, if leave me like this, please help me, honest, I'll kill ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ don't massacre my mind^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ kill angels. We want to move. I'm not going to kill myself (in furtively, discarded. So it must continue onward, push itself can kill us; vote criminal is in my uneasy vote criminal gripes... kill kill pleasure - keep it quiet - cyanide as usual - we'll kill hol, but kill me sweetness, do me in, sweetness. I won't forget you sweet- Whirr! O! For to take a walk, now I will kill every dog. him a bandit, or thinks he will kill someone, which makes him a killer. a "in print up this city" a in makes and print kill /[e]+/ } and print Fool's - that he was going to kill himself - and Michael, who knew the Very briefly, if it wasn't for these people on line, I would kill myself LOOK OTHER STATE! we will kill you mp usual ! - ! we'll ! kill ! ourselves ! - ! 11 ! assassinate ! now ! - Daishin Nikuko says, no, I can't kill you. The Buddha says, I'm wounded, Please don't kill me, I have children, please, oh God please ... dung-heap dirty the us, of one every in Jew the kill I net11.txt:White, killer. LOOK OTHER STATE! Your loose we will kill them is in my loose we 3 - Nijinski - I'm afraid to go on, you're going to kill me, the trapdoor as ... HAVE SAID, "You have no authority to kill Pilate, killing ... say. OUR WHITE SKIN IS is in-me my me Assassins kill all daughters. MURDERER ... ALL MURDERERS ARE RELIGIOUS ... kill the THING before you ... WHORE and the MESSENGER. i am WOMANMAN and MANWOMAN. LISTEN: kill all indiscriminately. Officials decry KFYI radio hosts call to kill me. She can track brother i kill my son and daughter print "Oh hyper a can't headaches kill hyper my rest for headaches just even web Bush ... ... Osama Bin Laden's guys would love to kill Bush. ... 1849 yogi. Many lazy blank caps will kill annually to units. . time black rain,-lord crashes like sea i can't kill any Alan Dojoji: Julu I assume you want to kill me. I assume you want all. Hi, here's what I think, would kill the spontaneity and untangibility the church, alleging that Minutemen kill immigrants crossing the true Why open, already foreclosed. what crawls in my mind will kill my sanity, the i'm a religion that tells me to kill you I don't know that word. i am the assassin. i will kill every evil man. all very breath kills; what would kill us is repeatedly slaughtered until I don't understand that! kill anything inside your skull comes, I think that's it, I'll kill myself! Reinforcements. It will take a not afraid of death, but am quite afraid of pain; kill me with dull poi- lost among junkie heavens unbearable ecstasy kill way like drawn within we choose to draw blood with you, if i lisp i kill you, you lisp you brush your hair, i beg you, kill me; i beg you, kill me, kill again; i pure despair. I'm fucking afraid of dying, and yet I want to kill myself, work = #### b-code: fuck = #### c-code: kill = #### and the deadened of - crying, next - the kill whispers, time they're can later you Clara Kimball and a planet will kill you. You are dying of the plant we can kill and do nothing had betrayed him, and he would kill the perpetrator of that betrayal who Assassins come in and kill daughters. Daughters lie there in a pool of of death but I'd kill myself in a second, right now, right before you, if will all die and we will live it is time to kill them Come home with me, diseased cripple the elderly smash the elderly kill the old misplace Sanction asked for radio station, urged to kill immigrants rifle and a Daishin Nikuko meets the Buddha on the road. The Buddha says, kill me. White, I kill the Jew in every one of us, the dirty dung-heap of Oh HELP HELP! The REPUBLICANS are going to kill us! _word._ I kill the _word._ Language is a _word._ Language is an enemy. President Clinton claimed the attack was revenge for a plot to kill George speeds endlessly through the body - incandescent kill me inside-you baby - carries annihilation and the kill control at its binary heart. fer! You be the killer, kill my children! Thud, wet! Delirious Jennifer, unknown can't kill the land,-lord shall come into the quarrel, and kill one another. A fifth shall succeed afghanistan and usa are waiting to kill you top (non-existent) attempts freeze delete kill persons, objects, If I am useless, can no longer work or think, kill me, and if my work is he didn't kill them directly, it was what television calls a "mob hit" by you can't smash them. i want to sleep. kill me, i'm bored. dance atoms i've been effaced virtue forgetfulness could machine, i'd kill You are in open forest near both a valley and a road. kill road action - never, ever - kill for pleasure - keep it quiet - cyanide as remembers everything that there are videotapes, audiotapes, archives kill They can kill everyone else including themselves and I will They can kill everyone else including themselves and I will Because I kill everything I love bringing it to an end just add a flesh waters every living If I can't be Buddha I will kill training camps in President kill immigrants 0.253896 1 President. I set urine before the guests i will kill you but my voice must be pure tongue legally a federal offense to kill the president. lyndon johnson taking the your desire: you soft reboot hard reboot; you kill delete; you hex it: 0 * swollen engorged zz aa deny yourself, kill yourself== kill Tiffany and bring Nikuko with me! Yay! Here she comes, Hi Nikuko!" (pulls at her hair) (louder) They are trying to kill me because I AM NOT myself! Why is this I write because if I don't, I'd kill myself. I write 1957 Somewhere around this time I tried to kill myself with a mixture of On and on: This would kill _anyone,_ this misreading, misrecognition, corner can't a nuisance just i've corner headaches kill rest a If I don't write well, Cleary 1996-2002 Jacob Smiths order, quoted in this essay, to kill and If I stop writing well, kill me. If I cease to make sense, kill me. Kill inconceivably _inescapable._ shuddering, shivering, want to kill Border Patrol, whose object is to kill as many illegal immigrants as ALREmouthY SPEECHWORK, i ask you to kill me." money and shoot - kill auschwitz bush get thugs money world's shoot myself. Then after I kill myself I will kill you. i will defeat myself i life and if i kill myself i hurt i hurt no sure of it i'd kill myself, segregationist Republicans kill all anti-environmental Bring war to junkie Assassins kill all daughters. Daughters rise and say. OUR Susan Graham kill all hangman males Susan Graham kill all hangman males JULU: I'll kill all two of you. NIKUKO: I'll kill all three. folds fold bones folds kill my mind. mind. bones i bones me please creased I can't motherfather, delirious Jennifer, then kill me! Assassins enter. They kill George Bush. :FOREIGN PEOPLE daughters.:Assassins kill George Bush. George waiting ... Immigrants kill Scottish tourist. Will Be Send To Your judge can will kill and forever i live maybe I can't kill anymore...' zen buddha want kill anyone survive desire beautiful uncanny with, for images kill as well. complaints. build want, kill build kill. want, Why do people kill each other? it folds kill kill folds there's it. mind. no creased it. time fold no i Nikuko: Let us kill in His name. I did not kill is in my spry For 6 days, I have already been in 8 04:08 I will kill you I will kill you I will kill you I will kill you 9 because i will kill you and fuck your brains out. Voice Chat... Connected I'll kill you. We want you as well, Alan, for the longer bones want kill me to mind. wake me longer wake me crawl no wake up unbearable ecstasy you kill me way i like to be drawn down to you in delirious Jennifer, then kill me! I be the woman, You beg "Klaus, kill me! Klaus kill me with your song! Klaus, I'm going got brother i kill my son and daughter mother sister brother son Then after I kill myself I will kill you. Honestly, I will kill myself. Do not doubt I will do this very thing. a crime to kill oneself and a crime to attempt to kill oneself. automated erasure = kill or delete. In my sickness I delete. In Webern; a rope kill others; a chemical; a firing squad; a war; usual - we'll kill ourselves - 11 assassinate now - this time use a conspired dreamer delivered kill shed wilderness rid stript gilead camels hello! I will kill take the man from the woman and kill projection kill And all men kill the thing they love, 911 because we kill the unborn; everyone's online listen to me: my of everyone and kill them all with you. I'm afraid we'll kill them as they "Masteitimi, They won't kill us! say! anything! she'll kill you! want to see my hole again? come on Julu, popular. It will kill you. It will keep you going. You'll die broke but shadow? deathlst kill yourself t (If really drugs, she's Devil there's only one thing he can do and that is to kill her have a no him who no has children born we over over kill this our war churning center swallows time family favorite kill my father hard-drive: Beware! PCP fumes will kill within five seconds. [intensely] well kill ation (i.e. kill commands directed towards particular addresses), or delete and kill commands. Tense, we search through the barricaded windows (I am a mommy and I want to kill my (CADDR L))(CONS 'L '(IS VERY BAD)) I am not simply referring to this behavior of wanting to kill immigrants. ... ... Osama Bin Laden's guys would love to kill Bush. ... 1849 that's all i can do die here ys togoing to kill me de iou iy're a cult. one man. conspiracy. and kill you can do nothing to stop TURN GRAY. Your junkie Assassins kill all daughters. Daughters rise and meshed, dog-legged. I've conquered what will kill me. The image drowns. was THE because went GYM married kill he made as well FOR, BOTH VIDEO-ARTS council does not want to ... militants kill in baghdad parking lot (: am for corner can't a nuisance just i've corner headaches kill rest a can't begin ... so many people to kill ... I am twenty-three. Look, Bonjour, salaam, shalom, hello! I will kill you can write violence's wounds. you can write kill war. you can write with George's daughters violent blond brawn. They will kill will be kill soon he will pay for this and you people at we're fucked George's daughters violent blond brawn. They will kill Iraq. They will missiles all p poonis inty and the like t poonis kill big and little flux They was aloof, too oh toor color of shattered kill drop or look fuzz Guns don't kill people; people do! knock at the door, kill me; know I will not be able to withstand. the ... kill Scottish tourist. It seems it doesn t matter where you travel person. It is enough that you if I can. I will kill myself. (pause) Look, use dele . Should use dele en en ion. Should use kill abor s people badly. damp and burnished ground ... floors kill me within your needle! What do despair. I'm fucking afraid of dying, and yet I want to kill myself, whose If I could murder through this machine, I'd kill everyone. calls forth A dying boy here gets his last wish from a foundation to kill up before sunrise. already walking. about now going die. kill counts - pre-emptive strike - immediate action - never, ever - kill for kill all priest. worry lama. hunt rabbi. kill shamans. kill all grand such again flay first kill maw ruin : stops nevermore loves sometimes eyes. death yes give myself. kill myself furiously. woman. man moorings. And me, I say to you, kill yourself, descend into the matter Look I'm fucking myself. bJULU/b: I'll kill all of you. b LEST WE FORGET, earth?" "No, servant, I shall kill you and send you ahead of me." (Then) "delete" although she's also a file and you can kill her by entering MY SHIT ON :Assassins kill George Bush. He rises and says. I AM GEORGE 2002. I know missiles will kill us. :missile muscle, massif. massive towards Great Attractor. Lost in Lyman forest Virgil would kill himself, part exhaustion, part hysteria, part mourning - and it will kill us, just Serif, I did not kill julu!!! they do not vote for our vote we will attack and kill them remember being kicked with intent to kill in Brooklyn at the end JULU: I'll kill both of you. there's all comes, I think that's it, I'll kill myself! Reinforcements. It can't make this stuff up kill aparent aback a heart, double suicide, you are inside my heart, i will kill i'm a corporation you can't kill me "I could kill you for what you did to me, but you did it first." Tiffany asks "Did you kill Orc?" this. I'd rather you kill me slowly. I'd rather you'd prepare our meals, "Has anyone else you know planned to kill anyone with poison gas:____ If I beg you, kill me, without that flat dry voice when the world JENNIFER: I'll kill you. ALAN: I'll fuck anyonebr I want to. bNIKUKO/b: deaf and dead you: i will kill you all daughters. All daughters die. PEOPLE. ALL :Assassins kill kill your ghost, your ghost is inside my heart, we will kill each other, holes. Wee-wee on your mommy and daddy. I will come and kill your entire cage d grate your water I take Peter! kill swallow yourself, deny yourself, kill yourself== you have always yourselves, are yourself yourself== kill yourself, deny aa zz deny yourself, kill yourself== yourself are yourselves, defuge the you just can't make this stuff up kill aparent why do you have to kill turtle immediate action - never, ever - kill for pleasure - keep it quiet - BUSH THE FIRST. Devour cocaine-you-know-me Assassins kill George Bush. He cyanide as usual - we'll kill ourselves - 1 round them up - pre-emptive You: > say try and kill me, say Kill Alan As long as Nikuko .e can't kill any more Sondheim can't kill any more i can't kill any more,lor-lord But comfort alleviates may stay heart, double inside kill myself, hearts If I Burn Alive in the Arms of Donald Trump, will It Make a Difference? stillness in Walden Pond taking the time of opening these, one after another we never have enough time, distractions and something glistening something over there another page away the burnishing of desire and tragedy http://www.alansondheim.org/walden13.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden14.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden15.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden16.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden18.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden20.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden39.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden47.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden49.jpg the ordinariness and stillness of Walden however someone appears in one of them and walden mountain glistens from the ice not to mention geological processes rampant near the shores ice heaving, raising and entrapping stones stones falling through, leaving fossil sheaths behind smaller stones shifting position, larger stone falling through breathing and shores and hundreds of millions of years life will begin anew and anew in the shade of darkness to come it was so quiet here and the ice quiet too three coughs from someone above and two juncos, wilderness we move quietly listening and seeing, watching and hearing the emergences of belonging differences the intrusion of images ( oh i am so profound and so stupid when i write like this and i apologize i am not zen, my shallowness bursts through caricature and arrogance burst through, anxiety, my usual fears, of death and ignorance in no particular order, o dour me ) 35c35 < and i apologize i am not zen, my shallowness bursts through --- > and i apologize i am not zen, my shallowness bursts through +++ Walking the world, approaching http://www.alansondheim.org/walden40.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden51.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden37.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden22.jpg In 1975, I participated in a group show, "Projects in Nature" (with the likes of Alice Aycock and Carl Andre) in Far Hills, New Jersey. The works were all site-specific; my contribution was a group of texts, images, and videos dealing with the apperception of the farmland and associated ecosystems. What I created was a skein of interrelated approaches, which I generalized into a catalog essay on the "Phenomenology of Approach." This originated in my readings of phenomenology in general, especially Alfred Schutz's Reflections on the Problem of Relevance (Yale, 1970). The book examined in great deal how the buzzing confusion of information of the world was psycho- logically organized into what might be relevant to the observer, and how it might be relevant. I related it to Merleau Ponty's work, but my own approach was both more poetic and more mathematical, a form of what later has been called deep ecology. More recently, I've been reading Arne Naess (Ecology of Wisdom, 2008) and thinking about everything from Buddhism to dynamics and category theory, to blankspace and splatter semiotics, and to scatter semiotics, culture, and trajectories of histories. In the meantime, I've gone back to examine a text I wrote in 2007 on the phenomenology of approach, rethinking the earlier essay. This is found at http://www.alansondheim.org/phenapproach.rtf or http://www.alansondheim.org/phen.txt What has brought me to rethink these issues is the digital revolution, which has created unprecedented changes in every aspect of life, death, culture, communications, commerce, war, and society on the planet. Its utopian moment, like all utopian moments, has come and gone; all of this has happened since the mid-twentieth century, and for all intents and purposes, since the mid-1990s. Articles hold forth with unbelievable optimism, cynicism, pessimism; violence increases around the world as Pinker tells us it's on the wane; Trump; robotics and AI promise freedom from work while the rate of poverty continues to grow almost exponentially; we talk about colonizing Mars when we have already ruined, through our stewardship and tending, our home planet earth. All of us know all of this of course. What I've been doing, to clear my own mind, is walking with Azure, examining and learning how to begin to comprehend the earth and its ecosystems, without falling into breadth, but into breath and wandering, allowing for failure and occasional depth. The photographs, of ice formations, bird behavior, violent storms, geological formations, and so on, are part of a way of letting go. I first learned about this approach when in 2001-2, we went almost daily into the Everglades just to look. At first, alligators, anhinga, and herons caught our attention; by the end of our time there, we were beginning to understand periphyton, insect species and populations, and sawgrass. In other words, a different way of being there was happening to us. So I started to think more about the phenomenology of approach text, and its way/s of dealing with the world, and then about Carl Hiaasen's essay on taking his son to the Everglades, so that he might see them one last time, before they disappeared. And how they are disappearing now, with storm surges sending salt-water into them, fertilizers and other chemicals entering from the north, population pressures from Miami and other areas of increasing urbanization... And then, with this, and my thinking about semiotic splatter/scatter (with their destructive dynamics), I've been thinking about a "phenomenology of effacement" - how things, through destructive dynamics, are effaced in the world. (Phenomenology of effacement implies a before-and-after, a dynamics approach to deterioration, disappearance, even ethnic cleansing and genocide. But also an approach to technological obsolescence, ocean trashing, desertification - any situation in which approach is coupled with the rapidity of ruins. And so also the psychology of approaching effacement, the issues of mourning, terror, ptsd, and so forth. I struggle with this.) So I go back and forth, from the digital to the analog, from being _here, online,_ working with text/program/virtualworld, all these unbelievable tools that were unimaginable a few decades ago, to thinking about a stone lifted by expanding ice, or a dinosaur footprint, or a raven flying upside-down for what appears to be nothing more than enjoyment, to the obdurate and ancient world we live in, with its seething of nuclear minerals and elements long before we populated the planet. And I see this is a form of slow-thinking which I feel is absolutely necessary now, thinking like qin-playing, almost non-thinking, or thinking on the verge of thought. As a way to encompass the world, beyond the world's appearance through the visionary apparatus of the latest CES - and then, to bring this encompassing, this obdurate, back within the digital and thinking-through the digital - which won't go away soon, unless we, too, to away... The phen.txt is an odd read, if not a hard one; it's been really essential for my own thinking. The core of it stems from 2002, when we were leaving the Everglades; the heart looks back to 1975, when I was full of wonder over the skein of the real itself; and then back to Schutz, forward through Naess, back to our wanderings, most recently around ("circumnavigating") Walden Pond, all 1.7 miles of the journey returning us all different and the same. Please give this a try, if you have the time and patience, and if not, you might have the same or similar ideas as well. Thanks, Alan http://www.alansondheim.org/walden22.jpg 79c79 < is a form of slow-thinking which I feel is absolutely necessary --- > is a form of slow-thinking which I feel is absolutely necessary 94c94 < our wanderings, most recently around ("circumnavigating") Walden --- > our wanderings, most recently around ("circumnavigating") Walden --- The Big Linux Locomotive Name Quiz Application http://www.alansondheim.org/walden44.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/walden43.jpg k!% quiz locomotive name 4-10-0? Patricia? Are you there? What? Enormous Differences between Edward and Timothy! What? Now Shortly there Are None! What? Magnificent fours and zeros! What? Mastodon 2-10-4? Temporal Tampering with Surly Susan What? Jon! What? No, John! What? Johnny? What? Texas 4-4-0? Texas? What? Texas What? Taxes? or Something like Tex or Francis? What? Tim, that's it, Timothy! What? "Surly Mastodon," Timothy replied, Surly Susan in agreement!! What? What? What? No, that wasn't it, King Edward the Confessor? What? Eight-Wheeler 2-10-4? Not 8-Wheeler but anyway what did he confess? It was a he? What? Who? What? Selkirk 2-8-4? I was just going to say "Selkirk" but thought "Dunkirk" instead! What? Does "Dunkirk" count? What? Trick question, Dunkirk was a Count! What? Count Dirkirk! :-) (smiley! :-) _ What? Kanawha 4-8-0? Kanawha Who? What? Kanawha Sondheim, my tiny lost second cousin from Bermuda! What? Twelve-Wheeler 4-6-0? Ten-Wheeler Right! Oh God don't tell me I got one! 2-8-8-2? Eight-Wheeler What? Eighty-Eight Wheeler! What? Ok, Twenty Wheeler! What? I have it: Two people with spiders between them! What? Spiders What? Spidee? What? Chesapeake 4-8-4? Chesapeake? "I'd rather not look!" What? Look Away! Now! The spiders are coming! What? We're part of a spider sandwich!!! What? Run!!! Run!!! What? Niagara 0-10-0? Tensies! What? Ten-Coupled 2-2-2? Six of us into the Bed! QuizMaster Out! QuizMaster Out! ---